found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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