Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
