i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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