You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got inside last night via doggy door
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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