pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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