I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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