you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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