I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
