I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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