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So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I didn't notice because vodka
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Randomize
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