Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.