You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
