sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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