maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
