haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
