They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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