Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
