I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
