Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
