are you still at the devil's house?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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