my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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