he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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