You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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