You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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