and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You need a sexual gate keeper
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
