You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
