I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
