Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
