Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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