if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
