hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
