call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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