Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
