it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
