i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
