I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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