I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
