I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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