Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
