He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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