you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
