She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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