this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
