Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
dude. I can hear the air.
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