is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
