I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
