I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
