Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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