She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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