the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
