I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
