id be glad to
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
