Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
