he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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