saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
