If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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