never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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