How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
