just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
