I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
