just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Come share oat with me in your robe
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
