Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
