i will never coherently bang her
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
