hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
