he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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