she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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