I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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