i barfeds in our rink
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think your dad took our porno
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
