he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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