Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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