just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
