East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
